The Silent Struggle: Parenting Without a Village

There’s an old proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

For generations, this wasn’t just a saying. It was reality. Parenting was never done alone; there were aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, and family friends who naturally stepped in to help. Someone was always around to rock a crying baby, watch the toddler for a few minutes, or simply sit with an overwhelmed mother as she nursed.

Fast forward to today: most parents are raising children in isolation, behind closed doors. Despite having hundreds of “friends” online, many moms and dads are scrolling social media at 2 a.m. while their baby cries, realizing that no one is actually there in person. Parenting without a village has become one of the biggest silent struggles of this generation.

What Parenting Looked Like “Before”

Not too long ago, families lived closer, often under the same roof or at least in the same neighborhood. Support systems were built in:

Grandparents were deeply involved in daily childcare.
Neighbors or community aunties kept an eye out and stepped in if needed.
Meals were often cooked and shared together.
Parents leaned on each other to swap small favors like “Can you look after the kids while I run to the market?”

There were challenges too, of course, like too many opinions, lack of privacy, and pressure to follow traditional norms. But the upside was that no parent truly felt “alone.” There was always another pair of hands, another set of eyes.

Parenting “Now”: The Lonely Digital Age

Today, things look very different. Families are smaller and often live far away from relatives due to jobs, lifestyle changes, or simply the way cities have grown. Neighbors keep to themselves, and community bonds are much weaker.

And while the internet has connected us to millions, it hasn’t replaced the closeness of real-life support. You might get dozens of “likes” on a post about your child, but when exhaustion hits or you’re struggling through yet another sleepless night, it’s just you.

Some struggles that were once shared are now carried alone:

Midnight baby cries: Once, you passed the baby to grandma. Now, it’s you pacing the floor for hours.
Simple household chores: Earlier, someone nearby would help cook or clean. Today, you stretch yourself thin managing it all.
Emotional load: Years ago, struggles and small victories of parenting were openly shared with neighbors and cousins. Now, many parents stay silent because “everyone else online looks like they have it together.”
Advice and guidance: Earlier, wisdom flowed naturally from elders and the community. Now, parents often Google or scroll in search of answers, which leaves them more anxious from conflicting opinions.

The result? Parenting feels heavier than it used to, not because parents love their children any less, but because all of it falls on their shoulders.

Should We Go Back to the “Village”?

The old village system wasn’t perfect. It brought its own stress: too many opinions, no boundaries, family politics, and a lack of freedom in decision-making. Many parents today actually don’t want that level of interference. And that’s fair.

But here’s the thing: The essence of the proverb has less to do with control and more to do with care. The idea is not about letting the entire community raise your child for you; it’s about not being left alone in the hard moments.

Even in today’s modern age, building some version of a “village” can make parenting feel less lonely.

How Parents Can Start Rebuilding Their “Village”

Lean into chosen family: If relatives are far or unavailable, build your village with trusted friends, fellow parents, and neighbors you can count on.
Join local parent groups: Online groups are good, but in-person meetups, library story times, or park parent circles help create that real-world network.
Share tasks without guilt: Trade favors with other parents: “I’ll pick up your kid from practice today, can you keep mine tomorrow?” Small exchanges rebuild communal living.
Seek emotional support: Sometimes the village is just one other parent who understands when you say, “I’m exhausted.” Don’t underestimate the power of someone just listening without judgment.
Set boundaries: If you do have involved family or community, it’s okay to accept the help but filter the advice. Not every opinion needs to be followed. The modern village is about support, not control.

Why This Matters

Raising children without support can lead to burnout, loneliness, and even resentment; feelings that parents are often ashamed to admit. But opening up to the idea of a “village,” in whatever form works for your family, shifts the load. It’s not just about the tasks; it’s about knowing you’re not alone.

Your child also benefits. They grow up with multiple role models, learn to connect with different kinds of people, and see firsthand that care and kindness can come from more than just parents.

Conclusion

Parenting is tough; it always has been, always will be. But it was never meant to be a job for two people alone, let alone one. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” may feel old-fashioned, but the truth behind it is more relevant than ever.

You may not have grandparents downstairs or aunties living next door anymore. But you can create your own version of a village, one that respects your choices while still being there to hold you up when you’re tired.

So if you feel alone in this journey, know this: there is no shame in seeking help, no weakness in admitting you need extra hands. Parenting was never supposed to be silent or solitary. And you deserve your own village, even if you have to build it from scratch.