6 Signs You’re Possibly Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

In reality—co-parenting is never a walk in the park. But if your ex seems to thrive on chaos, constantly gaslights you, and somehow makes even parent-teacher meetings feel like psychological warfare… you might be co-parenting with a narcissist.

While only a qualified professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), some behavioral patterns scream narcissism louder than a tantrum in the toy aisle. If you’re constantly questioning your reality or dreading every interaction, this article may help you name what’s happening. Read this article to explore some red flags that may indicate co-parenting with a narcissist.

Does even the smallest decision—like what shoes your child wears—spiral into drama? Narcissists often see co-parenting as a competition, not collaboration. They need to win every disagreement and refuse to compromise, even when it harms the child. If shared custody feels more like shared combat, you’re not imagining things.

 They weaponize the schedule, make last-minute changes, or ignore court orders to stay in control.

In healthy co-parenting, communication is between adults. But a narcissistic co-parent might triangulate by making your child deliver messages, express guilt, or choose sides.

Your child says things like “Dad said you’re being difficult again,” or “Mom told me you don’t care about me like she does.” This puts the child in the middle of adult conflict, which can damage their emotional well-being.

You might agree on a plan one week, only to be told it never happened. Or you might bring up hurtful past behavior, and suddenly you’re the villain. Narcissists excel at gaslighting—twisting facts and denying reality until you question your memory and sanity.

Conversations feel like emotional landmines. You start keeping written records just to protect yourself.

In front of teachers, doctors, or even mutual friends, your co-parent may seem charming and attentive. But behind closed doors, they’re manipulative, dismissive, or emotionally abusive. This Jekyll-and-Hyde routine is classic narcissist behavior—they crave validation and admiration while shifting blame to you.

You’re accused of being “too emotional” or “unstable” any time you try to explain your concerns.

Whether it’s sending passive-aggressive texts at midnight or showing up unannounced, narcissistic co-parents often ignore emotional and physical boundaries. They might pry into your personal life, criticize your parenting style, or try to control what happens during your custodial time.

They use co-parenting as an excuse to stay entangled in your life long after the relationship ended.

From custody threats to refusing to pay agreed expenses, narcissistic co-parents often weaponize money and the legal system. It's less about the child’s needs and more about power and punishment. The court becomes just another stage for manipulation.

You find yourself constantly defending normal decisions or fearing retaliation for asserting your rights.

Co-parenting with a narcissist is beyond just exhausting—it’s a full-time emotional job. But by recognizing the signs, protecting your peace, and showing up consistently for your child, you’re already winning the battle they don’t want you to realize you’re in.